What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

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What! how could you do that?

What do you mean son?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

How did you react when your doctor ordered a colonoscopy?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

How do you cope when your mother doesn't love you?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Do you know what she said mum?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Is it ok if I wear a bonnet as a person with straight hair? I used to have curly hair, but later on in life I got it treated, I’m not black, but my hair keeps getting frizzy every morning so I am considering it. Is it cultural appropriation?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

What is the most gay experience with your dad?

True - how I loved my mum!